"If you are not married and expecting your first kid by the age of 21, there must be something wrong with you."
Pretty harsh, right?
But marrying young and starting a family is not only normal in the South, it is expected.
When my youngest sister graduated high school a few years ago, she received a stack of wedding invitations along with the graduation invites. She and her best friend were amongst the few high school graduates who had not fallen prey to this conventional mindset.
If their friends weren't already knocked up prior to their wedding day, then they were pregnant soon after the big day and living just a few doors down from where they had lived all their lives.
Now don't get me wrong. I love the South and its emphasis on family and tradition and hospitality. But I believe those values have become synonymous with marrying way too young and denying yourself other ambitions and goals.
Marriage and children do not equal happiness.
And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Also, this is coming from someone who desires both, so don't think that I'm bashing anyone.
The sad reality is, most of the girls who buy into this mentality are settling. They think that marriage and a family will bring them the happiness that they are lacking. They believe that giving themselves to the first guy who says "I love you" means that they will have their fairytale ending. Everything will just fall into place and they will be loved and cherished by this immature 18-year-old boy forever (sounds rational...).
Instead they end up missing out on an education, working multiple minimum wage jobs to support their young family, and blindly trying to grow into the adult role that they threw themselves into prematurely.
Yet, the few girls who opt out of this mindset, who decide to further their education, who wait until they meet the right person before making the plunge into marriage, who decide to mature a little themselves before becoming parents, who have ambitions and dreams that they are actively pursuing...these are the girls who are told there is something wrong with them???
mind=blown
So who is right? Who is doing things the correct way? Or is there a correct way to do things?
Like I said before, marriage and family does not mean happiness. But the same is true for getting an education. Just because you go to college and wait a while longer does not mean you are guaranteed a happy ending either.
I cannot stress enough that happiness is not found in someone else. Happiness is a conscious decision that comes after you learn to love and accept yourself, flaws and all.
I think we, as a society, have been fooled into believing that meeting "the one" and riding off into the sunset on a white horse (a.k.a. getting married) is the ultimate goal. That this is the fairytale and the way to be happy and fulfilled.
But in reality, we are the fairytale. To have a happy ending, there must be a love story between you and yourself first.
Marianne Williamson said it best when she wrote,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Who are you not to be all of the above? Be the fairytale, Forever Girls.
Remember, you are amazing,
The Forever Girl
