This is more than just a farewell to you, the person I loved unconditionally for two years, my best friend who I trusted whole-heartedly; but this is a goodbye to guys like you. I'm done. I don't want or need your kind in my life. I'm better than that. I deserve better and I expect better and I demand better.
I gave you everything. My time, my money, my friendship, my encouragement, my support, my entire heart. I was an open book. Honest about everything. Faithful, caring, understanding. Your biggest fan.
When you needed a listening ear, I was there. When you were bored, I made myself available. When you were happy, we celebrated. When you were sad, I split a six pack with you and kept you company. When you were angry, I listened to you vent. When you were discouraged, it was me who kept you moving forward.
In return, you lied to me. About everything.
You only asked me to hangout when you needed something. Out of cigarettes? No money? No food? You knew who to call.
Bored on a Saturday night because all your "cool" friends already had plans? Good thing you had a back up.
You always knew the right thing to say to keep me convinced that you actually cared. You always did or said just enough to make me believe that my friendship meant more to you than just that girl you called when you had nothing better to do or no one else to help you out.
I was always your back up. Second choice. Your bitch. Nothing more than some dumb girl who you kept on the back burner "just in case."
After all, I loved you, so obviously I would do anything for you. Best friends, right? That's what best friends do.
Except you wouldn't do anything for me, would you?
Let me tell you what you are, really.
You are a piece of shit who will never amount to anything and who doesn't deserve to have ever even met me, much less dated me or called me a best friend.
You act like you are so cool and mature, but you aren't. You are a scared little boy who can't even take care of yourself, much less anyone else.
It's not "living on your own" and supporting yourself when your mommy and daddy have to bail you out every month with rent money and you have to mooch off your friends to eat because you over drew your bank account for the millionth time, blowing your entire paycheck within a couple days of receiving it on worthless shit and booze.
You cycle through all your friends because you bum off of them until they get sick of it and stop answering your calls and texts for awhile. You'll blame their unresponsiveness on them being shady, of course. Naturally, it's not something you did. Eventually, they'll start hanging out with you again until they remember why they stopped in the first place.
"Oh yeah...this guy never has money for anything. He's always drinking our beer, eating our food, bumming a cigarette off us..."
But you always have a ready excuse, don't you?
"I'm in between jobs right now..."
"I'm trying to focus on school..."
"I don't have a car..."
And they all seem like valid excuses till you look a little closer at your life.
You lost your job because you failed a drug test, they won't hire you back because you're lazy and always showed up late, you lost your other job because you called out too much, you don't have a car because you don't have the balls to stand up to your mother and demand that she give you the car insurance money for your car. And you aren't studying that hard if you're skipping class because you partied too hard the night before. Not to mention the fact that the school you go to is designed so that any idiot with the capability of spelling their own name can pass with no effort.
You will always be dependent on someone else. You live with your mommy now and you will one day move from her house (probably after she passes away and you don't have a choice) into some poor girl's home, where she will work endlessly to try to make ends meet to support you both.
And you will skip from job to job, making only minimum wage. You 'll spend your money on beer, cigarettes, and video games.
You'll continue to cycle through your old friends until they get sick of your same lame excuses, like me, and stop responding completely.
You will continue to go out and party until you are the oldest one there and they ask you to stop coming.
You'll drop out of college because it's "too hard" and you "just don't think college is for you."
You'll develop a beer gut and your dandruff will get out of control because your girlfriend is too busy trying to support you both to do something about it. And lord knows you won't take care of it. You can't take care of anything yourself.
You are who you always feared you would become- your lying, cheating, deadbeat father. You will continue his bitter life, working dead end jobs till the day you both die, drinking and smoking a ton of weed to try to drown out the thoughts of what could have been if you had done things differently.
But, of course, you won't see any of this. You're too blinded by your own self-centeredness and your all-consuming fear of life to see the sorry piece of shit that you are and will continue to be. Your fear keeps you from living. You barely even survive.
You are a cowardly son of a bitch who didn't even have the guts to tell me everything you had done. You couldn't even admit to my face that you had been lying to me all along. For two years.
But you don't owe me anything, right?
Wrong.
You owe me everything.
And one day, when I'm old and gray, after I've lived a full and happy life, overflowing with love, laughter, and true friendship, maybe I'll look back and remember you as a little glitch. A bump in the road. A mistake that I made a long time ago. Maybe I'll remember you.
But you. You will remember me for the rest of your miserable life. You will remember me as the best thing that you ever had. The one you were too young and stupid to hold onto. I am the one who got away. I am out of your league. I am unattainable. I am a forever girl.
